Can’t Make This Stuff Up (4/30/20)

He thought about heat and sunlight
About bleach he had such insight
Use disinfectant
As an injectant
And knock out COVID overnight
 
He said his idea was fantastic
But the press said results would be drastic
Docs rang the alarm
Said it would do harm
He said he had just been sarcastic
 
Mayo Clinic welcomed Mike Pence
Figured he’d have the good sense
To don a mask
He din’t, and when asked
“I don’t need one” was his defense
 
Congressional doc did advise
To reconvene would not be wise
That advice Mitch distorts
So he can pack the courts
With judges with chummy Trump ties
 
Relief check are now in the mail
On signing each, Trump did prevail
It gets even better
A campaign letter
Is enclosed just like direct mail
 
He’s finally invoked DPA
To make more equipment each day?
No, to force workers back
To plant where meat’s packed
Their health be damned, you might say
 
A corporate plan they have hatched
$500B they’ll dispatch
To big corporations
With good Trump relations
And of course, with no strings attached
 

He’s likely to act more bizarre - oh
things could be worse with this czar – oh
He might get more grouchy
He might fire Fauci
but at least he is not Bolsonaro
 
Ever the cruel xenophobe
Case numbers he just won’t probe
But if numbers are high
He says he knows why
We’ve more tests than all on the globe
 
No, we cannot make this stuff up
At ballgames he wants folks closeup
Shoulder to shoulder.
He needs a chief scolder
He needs to just grow the f*ck up
 
Fox says Trump’s opened the way
Pathways to quick and safe way
For fiscal rebound
so he can be crowned
Our new king by election day
 
Of his plan, Dr F’s not a fan
Lifting our smartly placed bans
This fiscal cure
Could backfire for sure
COVID might have another plan
 
They tell plants to open up now
Protect workers they don’t know how
and when they get sick
Says Mitch the prick
To sue them they will not allow
 
These past 3 months were surreal, and
there’s no end in sight I do feel, and
things will unravel
so when we can travel
I’m gonna to move to New Zealand